So You Want To Get Smashed
by kismet00
Summary: Inspired by "The ShizNat Drinking Game," read in amusement as Natsuki tries to survive Halloween at Fuka Academy.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: **This fic is intended to be read in accordance with Olivia U. L. 's "The ShizNat Drinking Game." The author will not be held responsible for any drunkenness, birth defects, vomiting, or future liver problems. cough Also, if I owned Mai Hime/Otome, there'd be more ShizNat, more action scenes that made sense and less gratuitous (ie: scary) fanservice. Oh yeah, a new plot for Otome would be good too!

**So You Want To Get Smashed**

Today was Halloween. It was an odd western tradition where people dressed up as monsters, and went from door to door in an attempt to extort candy from the populace. Being such a barbaric and odd holiday, the students of Fuka Academy had adopted the foreign celebration with relish. Everywhere she went, the students were dressed up as their favorite monsters, carrying eggs with which they could threaten each other for candy.

It was scary outside. There was already a thin layer of egg yolks plastered against the hallways.

Hoping to escape the festivities, Natsuki hid in the student council room, biding her time by clicking idly away at Shizuru's laptop. A lone bottle of mayonnaise sat beside her. It was there for the instant ramen that she would consume later. With both food and shelter here, she wouldn't have to venture into that dangerous territory until she was sure all of the other students went home. It wouldn't be safe to go walking outside, especially in her favorite tank top and jeans.

Sighing at the idiocy that was her school, Natsuki settled back into her chair, only to jump up at the sound of an opening door. It was Shizuru.

Letting her heart settle back into place, Natsuki looked up at the older girl. "What are you doing here?"

"Hmm, well I was looking for you."

"Looking for me?"

"Yes, I was getting quite lonely without you. The girls were planning a raid against the classroom next door. They have snickers bars and twix candy." Shizuru said dreamily."You know, not the dreaded ones with coconut fillings. We have a brilliant attack strategy planned."

"I don't think Halloween is supposed to work like this." Natsuki muttered.

Shizuru stopped when she took an appraising look at Natsuki, "What are you supposed to be? Did Natsuki forget that it was Halloween?"

"I'm a student who forgot her school uniform." Natsuki replied lamely. "What are you supposed to be?" Natsuki asked.

"Ara, did you not figure it out?" The student president twirled the cape in a spectacular fashion, purple cloth swirling hypnotically in the air. "Shizuru is a vampire."

"Eh?" Natsuki deadpanned.

"Gar!" Shizuru added for dramatic effect, her hands outstretched into mock claws as she showed off her plastic fangs. The plastic teeth were not quite as intimating as her very real crimson eyes that shone with mischievous intent.

"I know!" Shizuru said with a smile, and took out an item out of her bag. "Since, I figured that Natsuki would do something silly, like forget it was Halloween."

Shizuru stepped forward, a smile plastered to her serene face.

"There, you are my pup—" Shizuru stopped herself and coughed, "I mean, you are my werewolf." She said happily as she plopped a headband with fuzzy wolf ears on top of Natsuki's head.

So cute. Shizuru had to admire her own handiwork.

Natsuki couldn't quite comprehend what was going on. "What?" Trying to take whatever Shizuru had put on top of her head.

Shizuru prevented the girl from doing so by placing a hand on top of Natsuki's head. Natsuki's hands tried unsuccessfully to get the other girl to let go.

"Does Natsuki not like it?"

"Ugh," Natsuki looked upwards at her, trying to get Shizuru's hand off. She didn't have enough leverage while sitting down. "Shizuru, get off!"

"Oh, Natsuki doesn't like it then?" Shizuru's voice wavered. "Ikezu! Natsuki is so mean. After I spent so much time making it too!"

"Shizuru…" Natsuki trailed off.

"It seems that Natsuki doesn't like me. Am I not a seductive enough vampire? Natsuki doesn't want to be _my_ werewolf?"

Shizuru pouted, the fake fangs poking slightly over her lips. They were beginning to tremble, the brilliant white against a quivering pink. Tears began to form in those deep crimson eyes.

A terribly sad vampire, Shizuru was.

"No, I mean," Natsuki fumbled. She sighed looking at Shizuru's expression, before waving her hands in defeat. "Fine, fine, I'll wear the stupid thing."

"Ookini. You have made me so happy!" Shizuru pout turned into an instant grin, and before Natsuki could react, Shizuru leaned forward to hug the girl.

Shizuru hadn't taken into account (or perhaps she did) the height difference between a person that was standing and one that was sitting down. Natsuki suddenly found her face squished up against something that was suspiciously warm and soft. Her face felt the imprint of a very expensive wire bra that she was sure that she had chosen out for the older girl earlier that week.

"BAKA!" Natsuki screamed.

Tricked. Why was she so easily tricked? And every single time too!

After the scream, Shizuru released the poor girl who was now an inexplicably deep red. Oh so cute. Terribly, terribly cute, though she was afraid that the girl would be close to passing out.

"You have some blood coming out of your nose." Shizuru pointed out devilishly. "Fufu, that is too tempting for a vampire to resist."

"Don't get tempted!" Natsuki pleaded her cheeks turning redder by the moment. In a swift motion she wiped away the blood with the back of her hand.

Shizuru was about to make yet another witty comeback, but the bright flicker of the laptop drew Shizuru's attention.

"Ara? Now, what is it that Natsuki is looking at?"

"No-Nothing!" Natsuki blurted out, frantically trying to block the screen of the computer. "It—It's research."

"Research?" Shizuru grin intensified, as she felt that the other girl was hiding something. "Let me see, perhaps I could be of some help to you?"

Shizuru was getting dangerously close to what she was looking at. Natsuki tried frantically to close the windows, but somehow the browser locked up. In desperation, Natsuki grabbed the only weapon available to her, the bottle of her precious mayonnaise.

She squeezed, and the white substance covered up the screen with a 'Splurt'.

"My laptop!" Shizuru protested, rushing forward.

Still the girl loomed closer, Natsuki tried pushing the older girl's face away, "AHHHH! Stop! Don't Look! Don't look!" Natsuki yelled.

"It's my laptop!" Shizuru muffled voice yelled back, trying to push Natsuki's hand away from her mouth. "I can look at it whenever I want to!"

"NOoo!" Natsuki yelled, as she felt herself losing the battle. It was useless. Somehow, Shizuru, in the struggle managed to knock over the other girl sideways with her chair on the floor.

Shizuru laughed before wiping the extra mayonnaise off of the screen. With a deft flick of the wrist, the white substance was expertly flicked onto the wall nearby.

Oh how the mayonnaise failed to protect her.

"I HIT THE WRONG LINK." Natsuki desperately pleaded from the floor.

No one believed her.

"Those pictures do seem, awfully _lewd_." Shizuru said in an interested manner.

"Fufu, and a maid fetish?" Shizuru voice lowered, into a dangerous seductive tone, "I know where we can get some maid uniforms."

"No, no, Shizuru! Bad Shizuru!" Natsuki felt that she was beginning to cry. "Don't get more bad ideas!"

"Oh, but it is such a very good idea," Shizuru replied leaning over the devastated girl, "Na—Tsu—Ki" Shizuru blew a puff of air into the girl's ear.

Natsuki screamed.

The door burst open, slammed forcefully aside by Suzushiro Haruka. "What is going on here?" she demanded. (Well all of her words came out as a demand, really. )

Instead of her traditional green school council uniform, Haruka had dressed up as a police officer. The blue uniform seemed to oddly fit well with her personality. The girl crossed her arms in angry expectation.

"Ara, if it isn't Suzushiro-han." Shizuru replied, "Hmm, well it appears that Kuga-han is destroying school property." She motioned toward the laptop that was covered in mayonnaise.

"It is indeed a serious offense." The blond agreed.

Oh god, this day couldn't get any worse.

"You wouldn't happen to have a set of handcuffs, would you?" Shizuru asked her. "I mean, Kuga-han is awfully good at running away from her punishments."

"Of course!" Haruka forcefully replied.

"What?" Before Natsuki had the wits to run away, Haruka threw a set of handcuffs toward Shizuru. In the most graceful manner, Shizuru caught them and in one swift motion brought them around Natsuki's wrists.

'Click' went the steel handcuffs.

"THOSE ARE REAL!" Natsuki yelled, trying in vain to free her hands, "How the hell do you have REAL handcuffs and bring them to school?"

Haruka huffed, "Naturally, it goes with the outfit."

"…", Natsuki's face was locked in a grimace of horror.

"I think I can handle things from here. Thank you for your help." Shizuru politely spoke said to Haruka, before pointing outside the window. "Ara, Suzushiro-han, it appears that the students appear to be are egging each other again."

"Why the impudent fools!" Haruka yelled, before running outside in a blaze of dust.

Eyeing the retreating blonde, Shizuru turned to the still traumatized girl lying on the floor.

"Now, Natsuki, shall we go to have some _fun?_"

"No." Natsuki gloomily replied.

"Oh, but we _shall _have fun." Without further ado, Shizuru picked up the girl by the small metal chain between the handcuffs. Natsuki didn't cooperate with her, but Shizuru in a surprising show of strength hauled the girl up so that Natsuki was at eyelevel with Shizuru.

"Shall we go then?" Shizuru playfully asked.

"Ah?"

Taking that as a positive response, Shizuru started for the hallway.

Suddenly the girl felt herself moving, and she was not moving out of her free will. With the legs dangling uselessly behind her, Natuki realized what was happening. Dragged, she was being dragged.

Oh how, Natsuki hated Halloween.

"HELP! HELP!" Natsuki yelled as Shizuru lugged her down the hallway in handcuffs. "SAVE ME SOMEONE, ANYONE! MAI? MIKOTO? I'LL FEED YOU!"

"Ara, stop being so loud, Natsuki." Shizuru chided her, "We'll have those maid uniforms soon."

"NOOOOOOOO!"

**(…and whatever happens after this point is up for your ecchi brains to fill in.)**

**The End.**

* * *

**A/N: **If you're still conscious at this point, I congratulate you! Tell me how many shots you took. Special thanks goes to Olivia U.L. for tempting me to write this. I couldn't quite cram all the points in, but I did try!


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N**: And now since you're smashed, a limerick drinking song!

* * *

There once was a girl named Viola,

So lovely, but the other had a six-headed boa,

Crap, that did not scan,

But just ask the barman,

I'm smashed; dancing in a toga,

x

x

And the other one with blue hair,

With piercing green eyes that impair

Her name does not rhyme,

It is such a crime,

But you still imagine her in menswear.

x

x

We want more, but oh drat,

So we write stories to format,

But their names--too long,

For this silly song,

Oh, so, we all call them Shiznat!

x

x

_Chorus:_

x

That was a cute little rhyme,

Sing us another one do—oo

x

x

Shiznat, Shiznat, we've reached the brink,

Stories abound, but we can't hoodwink,

They're not the main stars,

But that's why there are bars,

And, it's too cute when Natsuki turns pink.

x

x

_End chorus_

x

Ikezu, some mayo, it's all too cliché,

It's so silly, but we just can't betray,

Some vampires, some knights,

Some werewolves that bite,

Take a shot, you've read it today!

x

x

Not smashed? Not drunk? That's quite sloppy,

But there's still a point about coffee,

A grab from behind,

We'll add some moonshine,

And you'll drink until you're quite wobbly.

x

x

Why, oh, why is this song so clean?

With ninjas and maids and a queen,

It'd be more perverse,

But, I can't be coerced,

Because, I stupidly rated it teen!

* * *

**A/N:** Some of them didn't quite scan, but who cares? Oh how I butcher poetry! Next time: maids, coffee and Garderobe?


End file.
